Ramadan's reading

Oh, hey friends. I know what you've been thinking these past few few days:
"Fuck, I wish I could remember every word of Ramadan's super awesome, incredible, life changing Chad piece."
Well, fret no longer. I got you covered.

I am the coolest guy I know by far. Like, I’d love to take a census of all my buddies and me, and next to all that shit about like, denominations and family and shit, just have the question, “Who is the coolest guy you know?” Like I just said, I’m the coolest guy I know, so it’s pretty obvious what would be up with that. I’d clock in at number one, haters gonna hate – not that they would, for me. I am the coolest guy I know.

            I was hanging with my buddy Chad the other day, and we were talking about it. He totally agrees with me. He was all like, yeah, dude, you’re pretty cool. Which more or less confirms it.          

            But anyways, I like to party. Like, I was talking to my friend Chad the other day, and we both agreed that we like to party. Which is pretty awesome, when you think about it. You know, with like, Chad and me being buddies and all, and us both liking to party and all. Life’s like that, you know? You just find the right people.

            I remember there was this party one time, and Chad and I were there, and we were hanging out with these dudes and girls, and on of them was like, I wonder what’s up with Lee. Like, is he okay? And I was like, yeah, I’m fine, which made them laugh for some reason. I dunno, they looked kinda nervous about it. It’s just kinda like that being me. Sometimes you don’t even know what’s up, but you’re still the king of the party. Like, when I made that kick-ass joke, they were kinda surprised, like, holy shit, how did he get here, and why is he the shit? Like, are we even worthy?

            So yeah, anyways, a lot of times people wonder how I get there. There was this one time, as example, where I was at this other party with Chad, and we were drinking and shit. That night was pretty wild. I remember being all like, yo Chad, this is pretty great, and Chad was all like, hell yeah dude. The weird part about that night was how early the party ended. I remember this super cute girl asking me to get her a drink, which I get, because I’m so attractive, obviously. The thing was that she asked me to get it from her car, which was I guess weird, and then when I came back, the door was locked, which was also I guess weird. I guess the party ended right as I left. That’s just the kind of effect that I have on parties. Like, they really only happen for me. Once I leave, there’s no point to have the party anymore. I dunno though, that party wasn’t all that great.

            I’m 40, by the way. Maybe I should have mentioned that at the beginning? I dunno, I really just never think about age so much. Like, I’m around lots of really young dudes, you know? So I never really think about age so much. I’m their age, basically, I was just born a few years earlier.

            But no, yeah, partying is all I ever really think about. I mean like, what, I don’t think about age, I don’t think about other people… I guess I think about Chad sometimes. And my father. Really, though, it’s all the partying life for me.

            I remember my first party. It was totally wicked. My father was really sick and shit, and I was kinda all bummed out, so Chad took me out to this totally rocking house party on campus. This was when I was still in college, by the way. After that, I knew that partying was the life for me. I don’t really know why. I think it’s just that I’m so good at it, or some shit. Like, Shakespeare was just a good painter naturally, and I’m just a good partier naturally. It’s in my blood, or something.

            I remember the best party of my life. I remember my mom called and she was talking about something, I don’t remember what, and she wanted me to come home, and the thing is that I would have except that I was totally in with this one super cute girl and I really didn’t have time to talk. My mom was kinda saying something like, sweetie, you have to come home, he’s at the hospital, and I was saying like, mom, I would, but I have to stay at this thing that I’m at. Like, I really don’t have time. I don’t remember what we said after that, but we hung up pretty soon after I said that. I hooked up with that girl afterwards, and it was great. We stayed together for a bit, but after a while we started going to different parties, so then we didn’t anymore. After that I also didn’t see my dad anymore, either. It was a rocking party, though. The best of the best.

            I remember this one time, where Chad and me and this one other dude named Roger were sitting at a bar and drinking and having a totally great time. We were checking out some girls, but I guess it was dark in the room or they forgot to wear their contact lenses or something, because they were totally not into me. I dunno, sometimes people just don’t get your greatness. But anyways, I remember this Roger dude was looking at me, and he asked, like, don’t you ever get sad? And obviously the answer was no, so I said, no. Because really, when you’re as good a partier as me, you hardly have time to even think of being sad, you know?